I'm two days away from leaving for much needed vacation to Wisconsin. Yes I know I'm going to be so cold, but I love it there. My husband is from Wisconsin and he is so excited to see his family and go deer hunting. Hunting is big in Wisconsin, but not something I will take part in I just can't bring myself to shoot a deer...oh my God they will look at me with those big sweet eyes and I'm suppose to shoot!!! I don't think so, but my husband loves it and he can continue as long as I don't have to watch.
I should be excited about the trip right???? I mean I'm not dreading it. I enjoy traveling with my husband. Jeez he is so unlike my first husband...now that marriage was a nightmare. I should have known it was not going to be good when I spent the first night of our honeymoon in the bathroom crying sitting on the floor. I think back and wonder why didn't I get the marriage annulled then? Why did I put up with it for 6 long years. You know this is what is getting me down right now...thinking about this awful first marriage and debt he got me into and he just walks away and is now living with his parents saving money!!!! I just want to kick him in the butt and yell at him all the stress and unhappiness he put me through. When we divorced I had to give him money or else have a long court case and end up giving him spousal support, because he doesn't have a job. Oh he worked for 10 years and then had a breakdown and now has the government sending him a check everything month because he can not hold a job. Yes I knew this one I married him, but I loved him and I thought it was okay that he would stay home and do things around the house. Oh my God was I ever wrong there. The man slept ALL the time and just woke for meals and TV. He didn't clean up after himself he didn't do anything for himself. I look back now and now I know I was his second "Mom"..taking care of him and I didn't expect anything from him. Okay yes I was dumb, stupid whatever. But I couldn't divorce him what would happen to him....who would take care of him???? I had to beg him to make love then finally I said enough of that no more begging and you know what???? it didn't bother him not to make love anymore. He told me that he just didn't have the feelings inside him to make love. But I needed someone so much to hold me and make love to me. Well it wasn't coming from him that much I knew. I've been divorced for two years now and I was still feeling guilty about leaving him.
When we divorced I kept the mortgages, 1st and 2nd, since I was staying in the house. Well the 2nd mortgage was initiated by first husband due to his giving away money from credit cards to workers he would hire to do work around the house. The money wasn't for payment due to work, but was because of some sob story they would tell him. I didn't find this out until the damaged had been done. I called first husband the other day and asked for his assistance in paying this 2nd mortgage since it was due all to him...oh he agreed it was his fault...but his answer to me was "I don't want to get involved".............I wanted to shoot him right there and then. Now why couldn't he have said that to these "workers"???? Okay I got angry. Big stupid idiot now he has his Mom and Dad taking care of him...he has MY money to go and find a place to live on his own but why should he when he can live at home with Mom & Dad and not have to worry about anything...except going to the gym and eating and sleeping. You know what I don't feel sorry that I left him anymore and I'm glad he is gone and out of my life. I know my family is happy that he is gone they have all told me that much. One family member told me that I was in a prison for 6 years and you know what she is right...it was a prison.
Now I have a 2nd husband who is just awesome and you know what the best part is I know he loves me...yeah sounds corny...but I don't care. I'm a little older than this husband but this is not a bad thing, he gets me out and we have done so much. For our honeymoon we went to Wisconsin and went fishing...I had so much fun. I feel like I'm thirty again and finding out there is so much to life besides sleeping and watching TV.
I just started this blog today, sitting here at work and I just couldn't get started doing anything and I spotted this blog area and I thought why not.
So like I said I'm going to Wisconsin on Wednesday and it's snowing there and it's cold and I've lived my whole life in this desert and now I'm going to this beautiful state with snow and big beautiful trees and lakes and I'm so lucky I have a husband that I can share all this with.
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